100 Miles of misery

Sunday was a beautiful day...sadly, I ruined it by bonking during the last 10 miles. Luckily I don't bonk very often...but, each time I do...I am reminded of why we try so hard to avoid it.

I'm pretty sure that if I took all of the misery of a weeks worth of riding and bottled it...that would be a beverage called "BONK".

Anyway. I took off early (5:30AMish) on Sunday morning on my Volpe. It was COLD...well, cold for this time of year. 54 degrees when I left my house. That meant I hauled out the knee warmers and my Zephyr vest. ANd, I was wishing I had arm warmers. My theory for doing a long ride on the Volpe was this; it weighs nearly double what the CAAD9 weighs and, therefore, should make the CAAD9 feel faster when I get back on it. So, I left my house to head for MC's house. About a 25ish mile ride for me.

Upon arrival I found the SWAT team outside his door. Sadly, I was actually releaved to find out all those police cars and flashing lights were for the SWAT team. As I was riding toward his house I was very nervous that the flashers ahead were an ambulance...knowing that a small group of cyclists would be meeting us there I was very afraid that one of them had gotten pegged by a car. Luckily, no one who isn't a drug dealer/wife beater/local thug was harmed.

I don't actually know why they were there. They appeared to be setting up a small arsenal with which to storm the house on the corner (about 3 houses down from MC). For all I know there was an Al Qaeda splinter cell working out of there and we are now all safer Americans. Or, this was just an elaborate set up for Big Brother to watch MC's cycling activities and document some of his known associates. We cyclists do represent a dangerous counter culture...taking up space on the road, annoying drivers, going slower than motorized traffic, saving money, reducing carbon emmissions, reducing noise, getting exercise...and this may have been the initial stages of a serious crackdown on the Holland cycling ring. I'd better start sleeping with one eye open. I think The Man is trying to hold me down.

Anyway...I did 25 miles on the Volpe. But, since this was the first time I'd ridden the Volpe for about 5 weeks, I totally forgot to prep it. So, I was trying to remember headlights, taillights (I was leaving in the dark), and anything else I might need. What I forgot was a water bottle. And, breakfast. Ooops.

I was able to borrow a bottle from MC when I got to his house. I'm sure SWAT has photo documentation of the transactio. So, I was able to hydrate on the next leg of the journey.

Next step was to do a 25ish mile trip from MC's house to O'Connor Castle just south of Fennville. I was able to convince the gang (MC, Brad, Rob, J2, Brian and Heather) to wait a second while I ran in to the 64th St. bakery and grab a bagel. And, by this time, the sun was up, the temp was up, and life was good. By this time I'd stripped the knee warmers and vest. I finished a whole bottle of water, a small OJ and a bagel on the way down. SO, I was hoping that was catching up on the hydration.

After meeting the rest of the gang from JDRF West Michigan team...we went out for our training ride. PLan was about 45ish miles of lovely Allegan county riding. And, it was exactly that. Lovely. And, it involved riding.

I must admit I was thoroughly enjoying myself other than that tell-tale sign dehydration. I was feeling thirsty. I was starting to feel a little low on energy. And, I was starting to get hungry.

About 20 miles in we stopped for a few minutes because, sadly, we had a couple riders take a fall. During the stop I borrowed a couple bucks from Rob Andro and bought myself a gatorade and granola bar. But, at this point, I believe I was just delaying the innevitable.

The rest of the ride went fairly smooth. I was able to hook up with Brad and we started riding a pace that was a bit more brisk...which I was happy about. After a final water/bathroom break in Douglas...the group hit the road again and I hooked up with Derek, Brad, and Janet and John Jasker.

I always feel lucky when I get to ride with good people. And, this was no exception. I couldn't have had a better group to ride with...but, this time in particular I felt lucky.

With about 10 miles to go I hit THE WALL. I mean... any sense of doubt or nagging thirst/hunger went away and was replaced with a complete and total sense of exhaustion. A sort of park-the-bike-and-lay-down-on-the-side-of-the-road-for-a-nap type of exhaustion.

I just had nothing left...it was full bonk. The group realized they dropped me...and, Derek came back to drag me back up to Brad and the Jaskers. Brad gave me some hammer gel that might well have saved my life. And, after that, I just hung on. I got in to Jaskers draft...and did my best to keep the bike upright. And, it was harder than I can explain.

In the end I made it back to O'Connor Castle where cool beverages, grilled food, and a clear pool awaited. ANd, I indulged in all that was offered. Recovery was fast...I believe the pool helped a lot.

Total mileage ended at about 95 or so...just shy of the 100 I was aiming for. But, near enough as is no matter.

The rest of the afternoon was spent lounging, swimming, and eating in the company of friends. Life was good...other than the bonk.

The best I can do to describe the way I felt about 5 miles from the end was this...

I knew there was a pool at the end of the journey. And, with about 5 miles to go, I was ready to just park the bike and lay down. In fact, I would have just parked, layed down, and called it a day. And, had it been possible for someone to offer me a pool on that spot...that very spot...I would have paid whatever was necessary. I would have, in a semi-delusional state, handed my credit card to anyone who could make it happen and told them I didn't care what it costs. Just make it so that there was a pool right there...on the side of the road where I was laying. Whatever you needed to charge me was fine. Just so long as there was a pool on that spot, right then, so I could cool off, drink water, and not ride my bike anymore.

Instead...I blearily steered my bike to follow Jaskers lead for that 5 miles as I attempted to get to the pool at the end. It was 5 miles...about 18 minutes...of misery. Somewhere during that 18ish minutes I vaguely remember seeing MC ride past me in the other direction. He must have been on his way out to check on the group after he had helped our fallen brethren (and sistren?). MC saw me in my state of considerable distress. His reaction? Well...I was fairly out of it at this point, but I'm pretty sure I remember him pointing and laughing at me as he rode past.

Much to the shegrin of Mrs. Clark, I forgave him this transgression. I didn't mind being pointed and laughed at for a couple of reasons. First, I'm sure I deserved it for not planning food, liquid, and physical conditioning correctly. Second, he saw that I was in good hands. It was pretty clear that J2, Derek, and Brad were going to see me through to the end. Third, we were pretty close to the end and he probably figured I could just about coast home from there. Finally, and most importantly, I had to forgive him because I would have done the same to him. What? It's funny. As long as you aren't the one bonking...the whole situation is pretty hilarious.

As an after thought to this epic post, I feel obligated to comment on something Brian Bowe said to me. We were at the party after the ride, relaxing, eating, recovering, lounging, swimming, etc. A couple people were discussing with me the fact that MC had given me the "point and laugh". I was lamenting my complete bonk-age and that I felt pretty silly. It was somewhere in this discussion that Brian said he was a bit "tickled" to see that I had bonked. By his explanation, he was under the impression that I was able to ride along, putting in miles, with only a theoretical end at which I might stop. To quote Mr. Bowe, "I thought you were able to just keep riding right off the edge of the earth. It's nice to know you're human."

I found his sentiments somewhat amusing and complimentary. Obviously I wasn't concerned that he was "tickled" at my bonk. He rides as much as I do and knows what it is like...he thought it was funny for the same reason I did. And, I felt complimented that someone thought so highly of my riding. Not that he called me his hero or anything...but, in terms of cycling, he sentiments were a bit of a compliment. But, also, I thought it was amusing that someone viewed the miles I put in as being effortless on some level. As though I could just keep riding forever with no real repurcussions. To be honest, I find this funny because it is in such stark contrast to how I actually feel while I am riding. There is nothing about the miles I put in that feels effortless and I assure you that there is most certainly a limit at which I must stop...in fact, I reach it quite often. Apparently I've just avoided having one of those moments in front of Brian. I've managed to remain composed and in control of my longing desire to GASP for OXYGEN while he is around. Score. I've got someone fooled!

Contrary to Brian's comments, I am certainly human. Abundently so...as I often prove. One only needs to attend a Wednesday evening at Grattan to see me prove just exactly how human I actually am. I'm far more human than many others I ride with...Frank, MC, Greg, Aaron, KP, Da'Ve, etc. These are people who can drop me like a bad habit and who don't appear to really even have to work very hard to do it.

Anyway...thanks Brian. Your comments sort of made my day. And, in the end, the last few miles were torture and I did find the pool. But, on the plus side, it was free. I didn't have to pay anyone to make a road-side pool for me.